{ring} “Hello… Camp Olympus. Persephone speaking. How can I help you?”
“Oh, you’re looking for Jesus? I think he’s down on the beach playing volleyball with Freya. Frig says Hermes just came in from his morning run. When he comes out of the shower, I can send him down to fetch him if you like. What’s this in regard to?”
“Now, calm down! Yes, we all exist. ({aside}Christians!) There are a number of us up here this week. We get up here every chance we can, although I can’t get away from home as often as I like. What can we help you with?”
“Your car broke down. I see. Hephaestus is out in the smithy, preparing for race day tomorrow. Mother always complains about the smell, but he and Epona have a little bet going. Maybe he’ll have some suggestions. ({whispered} Eros, stop that!) You want me to get him? It’ll take him a little while to get up here – his legs, y’know…
“Hello? Hey, relax. ({through gritted teeth} Eros! Go play with one of the tree nymphs, will ya?) Why don’t you give me your name?”
“Now Don’t take that tone of voice with Me! I’m sure the wedding is very important to you. Calm down. Look – You’re the groom – they will wait. Trust me – we get invited to a lot of weddings.”
“Yes, she’s probably upset with you, but she’ll be ok once you explain what happened. Look on the bright side. You’ll have your first war story to look back on in the years to come. What better wedding present could you get? Trust me, by tonight, you’ll have other things on your mind. (EROS! STOP THAT!) Say, what’s the lucky lady’s name?”
“Wait a minute – you’re calling from Minneapolis – is this the Lisa Flanaghan who lives in that cape on Summer Street with her mother and her aunt? Oh – That Frank Thompson. Ummm…have you two talked a lot about religion?”
“Ahh, I wouldn’t count on that. I would say that if you’re marrying Lisa you’re probably going to get to know most of us a lot better. Your marriage will go a lot more smoothly if you take into account your wife’s wishes. My husband and I had to work through that ourselves early in our marriage.”
“Yes, Jesus is ok with it. He was feeling really disillusioned about being left alone on the cross like that, y’know – kind of hung out to dry – but he had a little heart-to-heart with Sophia and Tammuz when he got here and he feels a lot better. Look, I like happy weddings, since mine, well, let’s just say the logistics could have been handled a little better. ({hisses}Stop that!) Tell you what I’ll do. I’ll send EROS along to keep your bride’s mind occupied. There’s a phone booth about a block away from you, but it’s kind of a tough neighborhood. Ares has a friend there who can keep an eye out for you while you call the garage. Then go back to your car and LOCK the doors until the tow truck gets there.”
“OK. I’ll send Hermes out as soon as I have a word with Ares. The fellow you’re looking for is a big guy in a grey sweatshirt. He lives in a box up the alley and smells of Jim Beam but he’s Special Forces trained. Never really got back from Nam – nobody messes with him. He’ll take care of you. He should be there in about ten minutes. Oh, he’s getting thirsty – you might tip him.”
“Look, that’s his problem to work out, ok? I’ve seen the weave. There is a solution, and you’re a part of the solution but not the part you think. Just let him protect you and don’t worry about what he does with the money. Got it?”
“Sure. No problem. Blessings from all here to you and Lisa. You’re going to need them. Tell Lisa I said Hi. I think Hecate was planning on attending, so make sure you have three extra places set at the reception. Oh, and speaking of the reception, don’t drink too much. You are going to need your stamina tonight. I know Lisa. Trust me on this.”
Copyright © 2012 by Ralph A. Mack
